Review: If We’d Just Got That Penalty

If We’d Just Got That Penalty

The words “Sports Alternate History” got me interested in the new Sea Lion Press anthology If We’d Just Got That Penalty. I read it-and the result was sadly as disappointing as the New York Jets season. (Which Jets season? Answer is “Everything since 1968 is valid”). So in the interest of fair and honest criticism, I’m giving an honest and (hopefully) fair review.

I’ll start out by saying that sports AH and short stories are an uphill climb. Sporting AH tends to be fairly trinketized due to the end result often plausibly nothing more than different results on a trophy or standings chart and the divergences just “if the ball only moved three inches to the left.” That being said, at best this has middling short stories.

At worst, there’s ones like a really convoluted pure exposition “tale” involving changes to both Haiti and various forms of “football”. It’s a sincerely well thought out and well-researched premise that ends up being executed in the worst possible manner. Others have the impression of being benchmarked against internet alternate history, which is kind of like benchmarking your isekai story against jumpchains or your basketball team against the Washington Generals.

SLP has made some good alternate history, but this unfortunately isn’t it.

A Thousand Words: The Sting

The Sting

The Robert Redford classic The Sting is a movie about Great Depression-era con artists pulling a dangerous game against a powerful mobster. A well-regarded movie, I would reckon it’s one of the best films to center around sports betting. Why?

Well, the plot that the protagonists are (supposedly) pulling involved horse racing, and the central scheme of outrunning the official updates to place advantageous bets is something I knew very well. Combined with excellent cinematography and performances, this is a 70s masterpiece.

Review: The New Maneuver Warfare Handbook

Say there’s a crusty football coach who ran teams back in the days of Jim Thorpe and leather helmets. You’re at a coaches analytics and strategy meeting. There’s Bill Walsh and there’s Paul Zimmerman, talking about the evolution of the NFL. Then in comes this ninety-something coach who says “You know, you can throw the ball if you have to”, because in his time and mind, the forward pass was a novelty. But even by the start of the Super Bowl era, even in run-dominant periods postwar, it simply wasn’t.

This is how I felt when reading the New Maneuver Warfare Handbook by the infamous William Lind.

It starts with a pompous retelling of the generations of war and has a paragraph where he says “4GW” is not insurgency or guerilla war, but rather war against non-state actors. In other words, it’s not COIN/guerilla war, just war against insurgents and guerillas. Ok.

One running theme in histories of this Pentagon Reformer is that Lind, regardless of merits, was a terrible salesman. And it comes across here, where he keeps referring back to some German general or another he met in 197X and generally coming across as loving the sound of his own voice. His dismissal of every small unit encounter in Iraq/Afghanistan as “bumping into the enemy and then calling for fire” with the implication that only the equivalent of a 100% perfect never spotted run in a stealth game would be good enough for him.

Only about eighty pages of the 200 page book are the “main event”, and the amount of actual substance there is less. Lind recommends the fellow Special Tactics press books in the style of an internet video maker getting the sponsorships out of the way. Which is ironic because those, with their small and clear focuses, are the antithesis of his work. Which here involves a lot of blathering and told-you-so with a huge dose of selection bias.

The many appendices, some of which are not written by Lind, are somewhat better. It’s important to note that the themes of realistic effective training, mission type command, and even maneuvering are not necessarily bad ones (even if I disagree with the particulars). The only problem is that this is about 3% useful stuff that can and has been said elsewhere and 97% self-important back-patting. There’s a reason why other maneuver war advocates considered Lind a liability.

Review: The Soul Drinkers Omnibus

The Soul Drinkers Omnibus

Since I’ve just gotten (and am enjoying) the new Warhammer 40k Rogue Trader game, I figured I’d review a book (series) from that setting. An old set of Space Marine novels, the Soul Drinkers Omnibus covers the titular chapter. Is it good? Uh… not really.

The biggest problem is the characterization. It’s not that they’re one-dimensional bolter shooters. No, it’s that they’re worse. Namely, that these ancient super-warriors come across as ridiculously dumb and naive for people in their position. The plot involving the Soul Drinkers and their fall from grace involves a lot of contrivances and bad judgement to the point where I frankly felt they deserved to get wiped out.

There’s better 40k books around, so I don’t recommend these.

A Thousand Words: Warriors of Fate

Warriors of Fate

Capcom’s Warriors of Fate is a Final Fight-type beat em up set in ancient China. Err.. except the American translation set it in a fictional place that just happened to resemble ancient China. And the simple and easy Chinese names got turned into complex Mongolian-inspired names. Yeah, it was a little weird.

That being said, it’s a Final Fight successor that plays like a Final Fight successor and has the fun of a Final Fight successor. Unlike Captain Commando, mounts (horses in this case, not mechs) actually are useful and usable. It doesn’t quite reach the heights of Battle Circuit in terms of pure technical ability, but there is a lot more depth than many other games of its ilk and it makes up for it in terms of spectacle.

Not a bad slightly forgotten arcade game.

Review: Sukhoi Su-15

Sukhoi Su-15: The Boeing Killer

A Yefim Gordon book on the titular interceptor, Sukhoi Su-15 is exactly what it says it is and exactly what you’d expect. Which is to say, a book on an obscure Soviet plane that has a lot of details, but is questionably laid out and where you really, really want to double-check everything. In this case, some of the details are interesting.

These include things like the overlooked for-but-almost-always-not-with ground attack armament it had, and of course model kit reviews. (I do like the look of the Flagon). The issues besides the ones inherent to any Yefim Gordon book are that the Su-15 really didn’t have many variants or career highlights beyond the KAL shootdown. But you could do worse if you like obscure planes.

Review: Fenimore Coopers Literary Offenses

Fenimore Cooper’s Literary Offenses

Fuldapocalypse now turns its attention to noted World War III author Mark Twain. I have to share Fenimore Cooper’s Literary Offenses because as a child, it was the kind of thing that made me guffaw massively. And still does. Since I have not read any of Cooper’s actual novels, if I was to do so now it would probably be something like watching a Jean-Luc Goddard movie after the Monty Python “French Subtitled Film” sketch that parodied it massively.

Twain was proceeding Mystery Science Theater 3000 by a century and it was amazing. Whether or not he was accurate in his critique of Cooper, it was certainly fun to read. (Also fun fact: The home of the Baseball Hall of Fame, Cooperstown, was named after the author. Twain would have had a field day critiquing the ballots of writers who do things like vote for steroid-tarred Gary Sheffield but not Bonds or Clemens).

Review: Exclusion Zone

Exclusion Zone

Written by RAF veteran and Gulf War POW John Nichol, Exclusion Zone is a novel about a second… Falklands War. A rather pretentious and melodramatic thriller, this is no Larry Bond for better or worse. Mostly worse.

You get a doomed workplace romance, war flashbacks, huge descriptions, and a contrived “you must fire your torpedo down the exhaust port” conclusion. It’s too over the top to be a serious war novel but too self-serious to be a cheap thriller.

I wouldn’t call it the worst book of its kind ever, but it’s still below average.

A Thousand Words: Air Crew

Air Crew

1980’s Air Crew (sometimes translated as “Flight Crew” or “The Crew“) was the USSR’s attempt to copy the Airport-style disaster movie. The first half is an incredibly slow episode of Aeroflot: The Soap Opera and features such white-knuckle thrills as a child custody hearing (not kidding), but the second is pure 70s disaster cheesy fun.

The plane lands in the most treacherous fictional airport in the most treacherous fictional land, and its crew then confronts a simultaneous earthquake-flood-firestorm. Getting off the ground is just the start, leading to a ridiculous and ridiculously fun conclusion that involves members of the cockpit crew bundling up and going outside as if they were cosmonauts on a spacewalk and climaxes with geography ceasing to make sense.

As a time filler, you could do a lot worse than this movie.

Review: Tiger Tracks

Tiger Tracks

The predecessor to infamous “memoir” The Last Panther by “Wolfgang Faust”, Tiger Tracks is another story of a kitty-tank in World War II. Reading its successor or the review thereof will give you what to expect. Which is to say ridiculous pulpy action, even more blatant Wehrabooism, mysteriously detailed descriptions of battles, and a total lack of historical accuracy.

On that last point, this is even worse than The Last Panther in that regard. At least that was describing a real battle (Berlin). This is just a vague “Eastern Front” location. With anachronistic IS-3 tanks on the Soviet side that didn’t enter service until after the war was over.

Because of this, it’s an even worse book than The Last Panther.